My Higher Power is John Stamos
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
