The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
