i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
