just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
