Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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