Don't make out with my wife yet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
