Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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