"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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