idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
