Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Someone came in the potted fern
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
