I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
