Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize