You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
