I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
is wine microwaveable?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
