Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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