tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
