smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
handjob tips. give me some.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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