I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
