tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
