I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
