What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
