I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Everyone says I win the strip club
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
