I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
