i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
