Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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