My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Randomize
