i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
