what day is it and did you see me today?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
