God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
