i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
