Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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