you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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