matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
