Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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