Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
