Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
