Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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