It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
