my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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