I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
