I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
