I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
