Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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