You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
