I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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