I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
