After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
