Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
FUCK WHALES
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
