i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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