That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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