its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
