2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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