What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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