Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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