I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just invented taco cereal.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
