Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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