I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
A+ Viking dick
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
