Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize