dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize