Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize