I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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