His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
