I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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