whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
