There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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