My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
