his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
