How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
