smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
