I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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