Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
