she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
