so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
