But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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