You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
