I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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