trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
