His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
