Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
